If you’ve been following the leaks, rumours and other news, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what to expect from tonight’s Apple event, kicking off at 6pm BST in Cupertino. New iPhones – an XS and a 9 – for the pocket, new Apple Watches for the wrist and a wireless charging stand to plonk them on when not in use.

But watching Cook & Co go through the various new features can be a gruelling experience even for the biggest Apple fanboy, and it doesn’t hurt to have a little entertainment lined up to make the evening a bit more fun. With that in mind, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Apple Bingo 2018!

Like last year and the year before over at our sister site Alphr, I have been entrusted with generating nine bingo boards full of the Apple cliches we love to hear. Will this be the “thinnest device ever”? Will there be “one last thing”? Will an AR demo look so underwhelming that you wonder how it ever made the stage? Get your cards below, print them off and stamp the moment as it occurs. If you get five in a row, you win!

What do you win? Why only the most valuable prize of all: my respect. If that doesn’t appeal, you could make it a drinking game, I guess, but you may want to plan your excuses for work tomorrow in advance if you take that liver-pounding route.

Still interested? Well, great. Just click on the gallery below, pick a grid and get ready for 6pm. Good luck, readers. Be sure to message us on Twitter – @expertreviews – if you get a winning line.

If you don’t want to watch the show, keep an eye on Expert Reviews, where we’ll be covering all the big news from Cupertino as it happens.